Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Flirting <3

What is considered flirting to a guy (or to a girl)? How do you differenciate between flirting and just being nice/friendly?


  1. I say don't worry about it. The two are too easily confused. You shouldn't stop being nice just because you don't want to come across as flirtatious to someone you're not interested in.

  2. That may be true, but sometimes you WANT to come on as flirtatious so that they know you are interested. Really, a big problem that I see for a lot of guys is they go out on a date, they come back, and they have a conversation with their friends/roommates that goes something like this:

    "How was it?"
    "It was good. We had a lot of fun!"
    "Are you going to ask her out again?"
    "I don't know. I don't really know if she's interested or not."

    A lot of the time guys aren't interested enough in a girl to go out with her if she's not interested in him (we don't want to waste our time or bug the girls), and if we don't know if she is interested, we usually move on. So yes, flirting is very important and it's important to know how to do it right!

    More on how to flirt is to come...

  3. K I'm not sure how to flirt. I can't read girls at all. For me this would be helpful.

    1.Make it very obvious so we are not to miss it.
    2.Continue doing it. Some of us are slow.
    3. Continue doing it even after we notice. Because as stated above. If I think she isn't interested. I'm most certainly going to stop anything as not to waste my time and money.

  4. I agree with Purple, you should be nice at the risk of coming off a little flirtatious to someone your not interested in.
    Here is why: If I thought a girl was cute and were thinking about asking her out, then saw her treat someone unkindly without just cause, the result is I would not have any further interest in her.

    Also I agree with Blake, sometimes you want to come off as flirty and not just nice.

    Maybe we need further clarification on the question. Emily, are you asking us what is considered flirting to get someone's attention so that they want to date you? Or, are you asking what is considered flirting while you are on a date so that you keep their attention and interest in you?

    Also I agree with Trevor, in the sense that it is pointless to pursue a girl that is not interested, as you cannot convince someone to like you or to not, and the last thing you want to do is come off as a creepy and obsessive person when that is not the case.

    Two things that really stand out and get my attention when a girl is flirting are big smiles, and lots of eye contact. Smiling really lights up the face and makes one much more approachable. Eye contact goes back to the old saying "look a stranger in the eye", there's a certain unspoken bond that's created by making eye contact that allows us humans to connect and trust each other, the more eye contact the better. After all trust is a big key in the foundation to anything special developing and lasting.

    I'll have more on flirting to come as the question gets clarified further.

  5. An important part of flirting is making physical contact. If we really wanted to analyze the progression of relationships, we might identify several key steps that are commonly found, including: talking, asking someone out, holding hands, kissing, and so on. After a guy has asked you out, he still doesn't know if you are interested, and the relationship will likely stall between the 'asking someone out' phase and the 'holding hands' phase. If you are interested in a guy, you need to open the door to the next stage in the relationship by making contact. Subtle touches, brushing arms, etc, will help break the barrier (and since this guy apparently has some interest in you, you can take these steps without worrying about offending or crossing out of bounds. Heck, I think you could even go for the hand hold yourself. It's pretty safe. Though, I still kind of think the first kiss is reserved for the guy to make, but that's just my opinion).
    At any rate, for a relationship to proceed, there needs to be some confirmations back and forth about interest. The girl can't just sit still and wait for the guy to woo her and do all the work. It's not likely to go anywhere (kind of like if one person says "I love you" and the other person just sits there quietly smiling. It's awkward and embarrassing, and the other person will be forced to make conclusions).
    So, definitely flirt and make physical contact if you are interested.

  6. In response to Jon's ?, I am wondering both. How to get his attention, how to keep his attention, and to be nice while not giving him the wrong idea and leading him on? You guy's comments are great! keep um comin :)

  7. There are many ways on how to get a guys attention. However I'm going to only focus on what I think are perhaps the most effect ways for the most number of guys, so don't be disappointed by the very limited scope of this reply.

    The three most important things to be aware of are: body language, thoughts, and attitude.

    Body Language: this is highly essential in the world of flirting, and sending mixed signals is not what you want to do if you really want to get that guys attention. Key things to remember here is you want your body language to be open and welcoming. Closed body language signs are folded arms, palms down, hands in pockets, frowning or plain relaxed facial expressions, not making eye contact during conversation, etc. Warm and welcoming body language signals are relaxed arms, palms open hands not in pockets, smiling, eye contact, and directly facing your guy of interest. Yes it might take some effort to work on these at first, but by not sending mixed signals you should have an easier time catching the eye of your guy of interest.

    Thoughts: Well this one is pretty straight forward, if you're thinking negative or positive thoughts, this will naturally be reflected in the expression on your face, and positive thoughts will naturally make your face more welcoming and attractive to those around you, especially if you're making eye contact with your guy of interest.

    Attitude: This is also very critical and overlaps with thoughts a little bit. You need to have a happy, confident and welcoming attitude toward your guy of interest, make them feel comfortable by acting excited to see them and talk to them, which will make it much easier for them to pursue you, once that idea crosses their mind.

    Now that you've caught the attention of your person of interest, just keep with the aforementioned. Show interest by asking questions about that person, which you should be curious about anyway, and make sure you give them a chance to ask you questions as well. Often you will find if someone likes you they will start unconsciously mirroring your movements on a date, that is a good sign.

    If you just want to be nice to someone without leading them on then use mostly closed body language toward them, while still being nice. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and say "no" when needed. Always be honest, and happy "fishing". :)